We love to talk about the heartbreak that comes with losing a love, but we never talk about the withdrawals we experience from losing a friend.
The reminiscing on the memories, the summer nights and road trips, the times you’ve laughed and cried together, and all the years you are forced to leave behind.
Friendship break-ups suck, but sometimes they’re necessary.
Many of us will have to let go of a friendship at least once or twice in our lives; it’s a part of growing up.
Whether you find you were only ever friends out of convenience, realize someone is toxic or draining, or notice that someone lacks respect for you no matter how many chances you’ve given them,
you will find that some friendship breakups are easier than others.
I’ve gone through my fair share, in fact, I went through one recently. Although it hurt to throw 9 years down the drain, it’s safe to say, I saw it coming.
So, from my experiences, here are some of the signs that it’s time to let go:
1. When you argue all the time
A sign that a friendship isn’t working is when you find that you can’t seem to agree on anything.
Sure, arguing in a friendship, or any relationship for that matter is natural, but it’s when it’s more often than not that it becomes a problem.
Maybe you’ve gotten fed up with something they do all the time, such as being late or inconsiderate. Maybe an aspect of your personality clashes in a way it didn’t use to.
Or maybe there are past resentments that you can’t seem to get passed and tend to creep up in every argument.
Whatever the case, when it gets to this point, arguments can get so tangled up in each other, they just become finger pointing, projecting, and going around in circles.
But your friendships should never feel like a toxic relationship.
While other aspects of your life, such as work, finances, and relationships can be stressful, it’s in your friendships that you’re supposed to find joy and understanding.
They should never feel like a burden, but a blessing.
2. When it feels one-sided
I think one of the worst feelings in any relationship is feeling like you’re giving more than you’re getting back.
There have been times when I realized I would do more for someone than they would ever do for me,
or times when the friendship became more about them and what they’re going through, that when it came time for me to vent, there was little to no moral support reciprocated.
But a friendship should never feel transactional; you should never feel like you’re being used, or not getting anything out of it at all. And it should never feel like it’s all about one person.
Of course, like with any relationship, it’s not going to be 50/50 all the time, but at the very least, you should feel important, appreciated, like they have your back, and like you can seek support through hardships as well.
3. When there’s envy or competitiveness
Envy amongst friends is not uncommon. It’s not always as out right or apparent as you might think, either.
I think alot of times, we like to attribute envy to looks or accomplishments, but it could be as small as something you have that someone else believes they don’t, such as a healthy relationship, or an aspect of your personality everyone else seems to adore.
In my experience, some signs that a friend might be a hater is when they can never be truly happy for you.
They might smile in your face, or pretend to be enthusiastic, but you’ll notice they’ll either seem distant or short, and/or dismiss any good news you tell them very quickly.
Other common signs might be:
- Putting you down
- Pointing out your flaws
- Copying you
- Giving backhanded compliments
- Throwing you under the bus in front of people
- Being hot and cold with you
If you peep that a friend is jealous or envious of you, run. This person is only going to continue to hurt you.
You and your friends should never be in competition with each other. You should be equally rooting for each other’s success and happiness.
4. When it feels like you’ve grown apart
Another common reason people may decide to go their separate ways, is because they realize they’ve just grown apart.
Maybe you find that you just don’t have anything in common anymore. At one point, you felt inseparable, but life has taken you on different paths.
Some more signs you’ve grown apart may be:
- You’ve made new friends
- Your lifestyles no longer match up
- You have completely different outlooks on life
- You’re morals and values are no longer align
- They act in ways, or are involved in things you don’t or no longer want to be a part of
In my experience, this happens when the friendship originally formed out of convenience or from childhood.
As sad as it may feel, when you no longer have common interests, you may find that you inevitably drift apart, causing you to eventually split altogether.
5. When the energy is off
An indicator that a friendship has gone sour is when you are constantly questioning someone’s intentions.
Although interactions may seem innocent, you find that you always feel bad, uneasy, or unlike yourself around them.
This could stem from hoarding resentment from something (or things) that have happened in the past, such as betrayal,
or a negative character trait they have that makes you feel negative, insecure or like they do things purposely to get to you.
Whatever the case, energy doesn’t lie.
You should, more often than not, be having positive interactions with your friends, and they should, at the very least, be a source of peace, happiness and comfortability for you.
6. When it just feels over
Finally, you can just feel when a friendship has run its course.
You’ll notice that conversations feel forced or awkward, you stop making plans together, and/or they’re no longer your go-to when it comes to life updates or problems and vice versa.
You might even find yourself looking for reasons to end the friendship.
In my most recent experience, it felt like there was a void in the friendship; there was thick tension when just thinking of interacting with each other
because of this, neither one of us was making an effort to resolve anything.
When the friendship has become so damaged that you have ill-feelings toward each other, or you find that both of you haven given up on trying to make it work, it might be a sign that it’s time to let it go.
Friendship break-ups aren’t easy, and there are times where they can feel similar to a heartbreak
Whether it ends in a blowout, or slowly drifts away, you’re left asking yourself was it wrong to let go? Should I have held on longer? Would it have been worth it to try to work things out?
but it’s necessary to let go of things that are weighing you down, or no longer serving a purpose in your life, and that’s what a toxic friendship can feel like:
Here’s a friendly reminder that you deserve friendships and relationships that are loving and supportive, mutually beneficial, and bring out the best in you
When they are no longer that, it might be time to say goodbye, wish them the best, and go your separate ways; you’ll be better for it in the long run.